Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
