Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Randomize