I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
