im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You have to summon your inner elephant
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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