turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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