i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Help. Why am I so naked?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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