i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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