This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
