now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
