Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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