Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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