Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
