i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize