I wish my penis had an off switch
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
