a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
There's always time for handjobs
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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