I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
