Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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