Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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