allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
