Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Randomize
