so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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