i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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