its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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