a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
