Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
