covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
