Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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