i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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