You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He called his prostate his "boner button".
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
