You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
