your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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