so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
