Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
