So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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