Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
