Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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