The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
