and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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