I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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