True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
