dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
