Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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