somebody snuck up and got me drunk
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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