Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
