:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
