How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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