We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
