i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
