soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I just googled if crying burns calories
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
