I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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