i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
