Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
