Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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