she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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