The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
