I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
