there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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