Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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