Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
