Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He shit in the fireplace
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize