who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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