I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
