Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
