sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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