So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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