Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
