Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
