I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
