In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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