My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
