Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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